On the Wisdom of Marriage

A fun date night riding bikes.

The Problem

On the Wisdom of Marriage I have a problem with shopping sales, or maybe it is just shopping in general. ;|

Yesterday I went to Target with the intention of getting an organizer for the toys in the basement. I always go in with a purpose, but as soon as I start seeing things I love, I loose sight of the goal very quickly. My cart quickly filled with four throw pillows and a stool for our kitchen peninsula. If I had not had any self-control, or a lack of space in my cart, I would have added a clock, a mirror, a rug and lots of wicker baskets to the cart as well. So, I walked around Target’s home section for probably 45 minutes and then…I called Cody.

I have made it a habit to call Cody before I make large purchases because deep down I know he will steer me in the right direction. We both do the budget and we both have our personal weaknesses when it comes to spending money (my man and his tools), but in this circumstance I was feeling very weak.

The justification monster creeps in while I shop. My train of thoughts:

It is 15% off today, plus I could use my Target card and get an extra 5% off. 
I might not be able to find this print later.
We can make the budget work.
You better call Cody!


The phone conversation went a little like this.

Me: So, I found some really great pillows that will look great in the basement. And I found an extra stool for the peninsula.

Cody: How much is this all going to cost?

Me: Silence………………around 100 dollars.

Cody: Lucy, we need to draw the line somewhere. We have been spending a lot of money on finishing the basement.

Me: Silence……………….ok.

To my credit, I only walked around continuing to decide for about five minutes more. 😜 I placed the carefully selected throw pillows and stool and left the store with nothing, including the storage system I had actually come for and groceries that I really didn’t have a list for.

I was dejected. I came home, not to my credit, adult style pouting. I had thoughts like


Why can’t I ever get anything new? (This is a totally illogical thought considering buy new things monthly if not weekly.)


I don’t want to wait to get everything. (Another non-sensical, too absolute, thought).


I squirm in my seat as I write these selfish thoughts out loud. It is not easy to admit your faults to others, especially to people you want to see you as a good person, but I write the truth so maybe someone can relate. I hope I am not the only one who has selfish thoughts now and again.

The Solution

Cody eventually noticed that I was sad and upset after I got home, and I eventually shared my pent up frustrations about not being able to buy a large portion of Target in one trip. He listened and then shared some pieces of wisdom that I really needed and appreciated:

“You need to find joy in the process instead of feeling like you have to have everything right now. There will always be something you want even after you get what you want. Getting things just makes you want more things. When we were in college we said when we were done with school we would be happy. When we got a job we said when we buy a house we will be happy. We need to be happy right now.”

I needed these reminders! I needed my mind to settle back to gratitude, contentment, my real goals in life and patience. Cody has always been a model of these attributes, and I am so thankful that he slows my rushing, calms my nerves and clears my racing mind.

Yesterday I went from feeling frustrated that Cody limited me, but by the end of the day, I saw the real wisdom of marriage. Our partner in life can balance us, ground us, motivate us and keep us safe. I normally share what I learn from my children on Tuesday, but today I wanted to share what I learned from my good husband.

I have so much to be thankful for. I hope you can see blessings all around you today. Have a fun and safe Independence day my friends!

Best,
Lucy