Chores Make Responsible Kids
I recently had a great conversation with my friend. She is the type that loves to be a mother. She genuinely likes being with her kids and is completely content parenting.
I asked her how she manages her life so that she can enjoy her kids.
She listened to me for awhile and then she observed that I was feeling pressure to make my kids happy. She explained that she always reminded her kids that they were in charge of their own happiness and led them to a literal chart that had options for how to get happy. They could do jumping jacks, dance, go outside, do chores, give mom a hug, read a book and a bunch of other things, depending on how they are feeling.
Here is a visual of what hangs on Emily Stapp’s fridge:
Made by Emily Stapp
This idea of my kids being responsible for their own happiness should not have shaken me, but it did. It is not my job to make my kids happy every hour of the day. For the rest of their life they will have to choose happiness, even when something that they don’t like is happening. I was super impressed with Emily’s system, and I am determined to help my kids find ways to choose happiness.
I kept listening intently to my friend. She explained that when her kids start to fight or get bored she immediately has a chore for them. She has a running list of chores for the kids to do and her kids know right away that if they can’t find a way to fill their free time well, their mother will fill it for them. You can imagine that her kids don’t take their free time for granted.
Working is one of the best ways to help kids learn personal responsibility and a way to channel emotional energy.
“Research indicates that those children who do have a set of chores have higher self-esteem, are more responsible, and are better able to deal with frustration and delay gratification, all of which contribute to greater success in school.
Furthermore, research by Marty Rossman* shows that involving children in household tasks at an early age can have a positive impact later in life. In fact, says Rossman, “the best predictor of young adults’ success in their mid-20’s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four'” (The Center for Parenting Education).
I also asked a question on Instagram Stoires: how do you motivate your kids to do chores? The responses interested me.
Our girls have been lectured on the importance of pitching in and we also emphasize the rewards of pitching in: a clean, functional and peaceful home and the opportunity to enjoy the play.
I have been pleasantly surprised at the response of my girls after the chores are done. They do complain while we clean some of the time, but after it is all done the complaints are gone and the girls seem to enjoy the next activity with more satisfaction.
I think any time that we spend teaching our children to work is well worth the effort. I am excited to see my children grow in capacity and appreciation. My other hope is that as we consistently work together my kids will complain less because it is simply a way of life. I think as our kids get older we will implement extra chores that they can earn money for. For now, I am teaching my kids how to do their chores well and setting expectations. It is super important that you to work alongside your children so they can learn by example. Although it will take more time up front, they will do their chores better if they have seen it modeled well. Set high expectations, but when it is not perfect, do not berate them. Be grateful and show them how they can improve the chore.
Here is a post about toy storage and my thoughts about teaching kids how to pick up their own toys.
To help you implement chores, here are age appropriate chores from 2 years old-18 years old. (taken from Focus on the Family) I like this list because it is not exhaustive, but it gives you an idea of the types of jobs that your child can do.
Personal chores
Family chores
Note: This age can be trained to use a family chore chart.
Personal chores
Family chores
Note: This age can be supervised to use a family chore chart.
Personal chores
Family chores
Note: This age benefits from using a family chore chart.
Personal chores
Family chores
Personal chores
Family chores
Personal chores
Family chores
Personal chores
Family chores
Now that you know what they can do, now it is time to choose a system for accountability and or motivation. Keep in mind that whatever system you use should make less work for you and give your children more responsibility and accountability. If the system is adding more stress on you or your family, it is not the right system.
The key to making a method work is also consistency. No matter how you choose to implement chores, do it the same every time so everyone understands how it should be done and the end results.
Here are some cool systems I found:
Swapping chores for screen time
Payment Plan-helps kids earn money and manage their earnings
Rainbow Children Chore Chart
My hope is that kids will find joy in being part of creating a beautiful, clean and functional home. Truly, the best reward for them is the satisfaction of knowing that their contribution makes a difference to everyone in their home. We all want to feel needed and useful.
Moms, I hope you will get more done and be able to truly play with the family once the chores are done! Remember that your job is to teach and model behavior that brings happiness, but it is not your job to make all your children happy all of the time–that is their job.
Best,
Lucy Bowman