I have been without a sink for nearly a week now, and half of my kitchen is sitting on my dining table or on the floor. There is someone in and out of my home nearly everyday. I have officially hit the non-shiny part of a kitchen renovation…the part where you have to remind yourself why you started the project in the first place. There are glimmers of hope with each new element of the room, but it still isn’t complete.
This it the way with my life right now too. I see changes ahead in my life, but I’m in the messy middle right now. I have to remind myself why I should keep trying.
Recently, the Sunday school teacher asked, “How can you see eternity in your life?” A lady answered insightfully that she remembers she is in the middle…lots of time behind her and lots of time ahead of her. To be present, pleasant and grateful in the messy middle is a goals.
As Cody and I approach our mid life, I get why people have a crisis. You can’t go back to being a young person with little cares; you can’t fast forward to being a wise older person who has overcome the middle. You just have to keep trying your best to make sense of the life you have.
Cody and I have five children and we have big dreams that don’t seem to mix well with our decision to have a family. We can’t see how our dreams can become a reality while we continue to love and support our family, but we can’t give up hope or be blind to the wonderful things we have created so far. It is truly a hard and sticky place to be.
My hope is to take deep breaths when my children are crying, complaining about having nothing to do or asking for something to eat again. I want to still crave my husband’s touch and recognize his selfless love even when we haven’t slept in the same room for months because a baby wakes up scared every night. I want to look around and see the abundance of my life and not the lack…the beauty in the mess.
Meaning in the Mess
When my kitchen is finished and all the details are accounted for, I will not dwell on the work or frustration, I will look around with joy at the beauty I created. Right now I have children that need me all the time and some day I will look at my adult children and not see the sleepless nights, complaints and overwhelm; I will see beautiful people that I got to help along their journey. We are in the middle and it matters as much as the beginning or end.
It is the middle where we get pulled, pushed, stretched and molded into something new. I hope that if you are feeling the messy middle feeling that you will not lose heart, but look a little deeper to see the good in the struggle. Protect your peace and create a mess that matters!
I also wanted to share this song that has brought me peace lately.